


Brothers' Keeper

by Shepherdess



Series: Like Ashes [3]
Category: Hanson
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:19:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8364832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shepherdess/pseuds/Shepherdess
Summary: Isaac has always looked after his brothers, but everyone has a breaking point. How do you know when you've given too much? How do you help the people you love when they don't want your help?





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“Another take?”

“No, I think that will do it. Time for dinner, Natalie’s bringing a friend. Wanna come,Ike?” Taylor asked. 

I glanced at the bathroom door. No one else heard Zac throw up, but I did. I would have to talk to him about it tonight. It wasn’t the first time, and his weight loss was starting to worry me. 

I didn’t want to call him out in front of everyone and embarrass him or make things worse. We had our first tour since 2000 starting in a few months and we all had to be on top of our game. If the band fell apart, we’d all be out a ton of money. Besides that, I’d have nothing left. I was lucky my brothers still let me be in the band in the first place, considering how much I screw up. 

“Nah, I’ll stay here. Just bring me and Zac something back, will you?”

“Sure thing. Might be late though,” Taylor winked at me. 

“Go on, have fun. I’ll figure out something for us to eat here.” 

I didn’t resent it, not much, anyway. As long as I could remember, I’d been responsible for my younger brothers and sisters. I don’t remember my parents giving me the responsibly, it was a weight I chose to carry myself. I didn’t get my brothers’ looks, or half of their talent, so I had to be good at something. I made it my mission to be good at taking care of them. It was hard, especially since our “teen idol” days. Roadies offering us drugs, girls wanting to date us, men hating us, the media criticizing everything we did. We all wanted to grasp control of anything we could. We worked our asses off, and still didn’t know if we had a chance in hell of making it without a record label. Zac took it to heart. I understood, but I needed him to get his shit together for me and for for the band. 

Zac barely acknowledged me as he stepped across the hall from the bathroom. He looked a little lost, like a deer caught in the headlights. We had our equipment set up all over and around his bed in the living room and he had nowhere to go. 

“Why don’t you go chill in my room for a bit?” I told him. Zac breathed a huge sigh of relief and bolted into my bedroom. It was small, but at least it was private. 

 

Out of the three of us, Taylor was the most trustworthy in the kitchen, but I scrounged around in the cabinets until I found a box of pasta and some olive oil. I did the best I could with dried spices and butter to come up with a decent sauce. 

 

“Hey Zac,” I knocked on the door. 

“Yeah?” 

“I made dinner, if you want to eat.” 

He opened the door a crack. “Oh, thanks, but I’m not really hungry. We had that big lunch.”

“Zac, we didn’t take a break for lunch.”

“You may not have. I had time to go to In-and-Out while you and Tay were arguing over lyrics. Smells good, I might eat a bit later.” 

“No, you’ll eat now, with me.”

“Jeeze, okay Old Man Hanson, chill. You aren’t Dad, you know.” 

I put a huge serving of pasta on Zac’s plate, and watched him pick at it for about fifteen minutes.

“It isn’t that bad, is it?”

“Well, you sure aren’t Mom, but it’s okay. Like I said, I’m not very hungry. Must be something about LA.”

“Okay, Zac. Just, try to take care of yourself. If you don’t care enough about yourself to stay healthy, do it for the band.”

“Taylor and you would be pretty lost without me. Neither of you have any rhythm.”

I was glad to see Zac smile again. That was progress at least. 

“Speaking of Tay, where is he?”

“Natalie.” 

“Ah. Another school break?” 

“Who knows.” 

“And you didn’t want to hang with the guys?” 

“I just didn’t feel like going out is all.” The truth is, “the guys” only showed up when they needed drug money and I never really got into weed. I’d become so attached to my anxiety that I felt lost without it. Whiskey was my drug of choice. I liked the burn and that it took the edge off without making me totally lose control. 

“Right.” Zac just looked at me. 

“Okay, I’m going to see if we can get the melody to that song right. I’ll be happy for you to join me whenever.” 

“Okay, Dad, I’ll think about it.” 

I jumped when I heard the door slam. I wanted to call our dad, he always knew what to do, but I knew that telling Dad would probably only make things worse with Zac. I wanted Zac to feel like he could confide in me and trust me with whatever he had going on. I was a grown man, and I could handle this myself. I could take care of my brothers and the band. Normal people juggle work life and family life all the time, right? Then again, maybe working with your family is just asking for trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

She was the prettiest girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I flubbed more than the usual chords looking at her and trying to get her attention. I threw her a guitar pick, which hit her nose. She and her friends just laughed, probably at me. I’m sure she could have any guy she wanted, why would she pick the most unpopular Hanson brother? 

“Why don’t you just ask her out?”

“What?” Taylor must have noticed me staring from backstage during Zac’s solo. 

“Ask her out.” 

I looked at my younger brother. He was the heartthrob, the talent, the lead singer even when we tried to deny we had a lead singer. He’d never been called the ugly one. Girls fought over him. Girls went out with me just to get close to him. 

“Hey, Rick!” Taylor motioned our security guard over. 

“Taylor, don’t . . .” I said. 

“See that girl? The gorgeous one in black?”

“Long hair? Stacked?”

“That’s the one. Think you can bring her backstage after the show for Isaac?”

Rick looked at me for a second, the “High five, my man! I’ll do what I can.” 

“Give her this,” I handed him a backstage pass. “Tell her complements of the guitarist.” 

He winked at me and we stepped out of the way just as Zac finished “Broken Angel” and stepped off the stage, trying to brush his now shorter hair in his face to hide his blush. He always felt a little uncomfortable singing without us. My solo was often my favorite part of our concerts. If I nailed it, no one could say my brothers carried me along. If I flubbed it, I only let myself down. 

Taylor brushed past me so he could do his solo song. I really hoped he dragged out “Never Let Go.” It would give me more time to go over the lyrics to “Being Me.” I certainly didn’t want to mess up in front of her. I was ready to build a life with someone. Taylor had Natalie, Zac had Kate and I had one night stands. The morning always came, though, and the loneliness set in as we made our way to the next tour stop. 

Even though Natalie and Kate were fans first, they were both trustworthy and I believe they truly loved my brothers. I didn’t trust either of them for a while, they just seemed like the typical fan girls that wanted to a date a musician just for the thrill of it. I guess it was their southern heritage, but they were able to handle all the ins and outs of our crazy lives just beautifully. I wanted that. I wanted someone I could talk to, someone that would understand me, someone to come home to. 

The crowd burst into applause as Taylor finished his solo.

“Thank you all so much for coming out tonight and for supporting our new album. If you don’t mind, I’d like to sing a song that didn’t make the album.” That always got them. Even if I wasn’t the favorite brother, the fans always wanted to hear ‘rare’ songs. If I didn’t keep a surprise or two up my sleeve, my solo song would end up being bar or bathroom run time. 

Despite being distracted, I managed to hit all the chords and every note. I was quite proud of myself, and absolutely giddy when I saw “my” girl smile. I was almost Zac level hyper when we launched into “Crazy Beautiful,” and stayed on that high through the rest of the show. 

After the show I waited for her to come backstage. I made sure to stay near the entrance so that we wouldn’t miss each other. It took her almost 30 minutes and I was about to give up when I heard the sweetest voice say, “I hope I’m in the right place. One of the other guards gave me a pass.” 

The security guard waved her through. 

“Hi.” I said. 

“Hello, I’m Nicole. Most of my friends call me Nikki.” 

“Well, Nikki, I certainly hope we can be friends. I’m Isaac.”

“I enjoyed the show. Thank you for inviting me back. It’s . . . interesting.” I followed her gaze to the strange artwork and then to the peeling paint. Backstage wasn’t the most glamorous place. 

She jumped out of the way of a roadie pushing a trunk. 

“Good reflexes. Would you like to go somewhere else for a bit? Are you hungry?”

“I could eat something.”

“I know a nice little place that’s open late, if you like creole.”

“Well, when in New Orleans, right?”

I led her out a side door away from the bus and our waiting fans. I’d sign a few autographs if they were still there when I got back. I mean, Taylor blew fans off for Natalie all the time. I was allowed an after show date or two. 

“I was starting to wonder if you’d decided not to come.” 

“Oh no, I very much wanted to. One of my friends had too much to drink and I wanted to make sure she got back to our hotel and found the right room.” 

“So you aren’t from around here?”

“No, a few of us drove up from Florida for a girls weekend. I’m glad I came.” 

“Me too.” 

****

Later that night.  
(Actually, early the next morning)

“Well, good morning, sunshine,” Taylor said. I had tried to sneak onto the bus quietly. 

“It is a good morning, isn’t it?”

“You tell me,” He was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Nothing happened, really. We just had a little dinner. And talked, and talked.”

“Well, party animal, we were about to leave for Little Rock without you. Good thing we are only four hours away.” 

“Sorry, but I believe you were the instigator.” 

“You were about to stare a hole in the poor girl’s head. I had to do something.” 

“Thank you for that. I’m going to get some sleep.” 

“Good night, Romeo.” 

“See you in Little Rock, Juliet.” 

“Hey,” I heard Zac from his bunk, “That’s not a bad name for a song.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Isaac, Zac is a grown man. And he has Kate.” 

“Zac is my brother.” 

“I’m your wife. I’m expecting and I need you here.” 

I paused for a moment. I loved Nikki with all my heart. Well, almost all. I still felt responsible for Taylor and Zac, and Zac needed his big brother to talk some sense into him. 

“Nikki. I’m worried about Zac. He tries to hide it, but I know he isn’t eating and it isn’t healthy. I need to go help him.” 

“What are you going to do? You can’t just call him out in front of Kate.” 

“I don’t know, Nikki. I’ll think about it on the drive over.” 

“Please don’t be gone long. They take you away from me enough,” she drew me into a hug and put her head on my chest. 

I put my arm around her, “I love you, so much. And our little man. He’ll be here so soon.” 

“I hope you take half as good care of him as you do your brothers. He will be the luckiest little boy on the planet.” 

“Of course I will.” I hoped. Brothers were different than kids. You could call your brothers out when they were being idiots, but you had to be a bit more tactful with your own kids. 

I couldn’t blame Nikki. My first responsibility should be to her. We had a big family that could help Zac, but sometimes that could be the problem. It was really easy to disappear with everyone going in different directions - my parents with our younger siblings that still needed lots of help, and Taylor with his growing family. The family freaked when Natalie announced she was pregnant, but they seemed to be keeping it together. At least, he never told me otherwise. Taylor had always been very good at hiding things, even from me. 

We all bought houses relatively close together, so I didn’t have far to drive. We lived outside of Tulsa to have more space and more privacy. 

Kate’s car was in the driveway. I’d have to come up with something so she wouldn’t think I was overstepping. A few Christmases ago she got really territorial with Zac and insisted on making sure he got something to eat. I didn’t know what to do, so I drank myself into a stupor and apparently maked a complete idiot out of myself. What is that they say about men getting bored? When we don’t have something to do, we cause trouble. Something like that, anyway.

I still had a messenger bag and a guitar in my car. I could act like I was coming over to work on music or something. Zac had a small music room we could use. 

“Oh, hi Ike,” Kate answered my knock. She looked upset and a t-shirt and sweatpants was for sure not her usual wardrobe choice. 

“Hey Kate. Is Zac here? I just had an idea for a song we had been working on and wanted to swing by and let him hear it before I forgot.” 

“Sure. I’ll let him know you’re here. Please come in.” 

“I heard him. What do you want, Ike?” I hoped my face didn’t show my shock. Zac must have lost about 15 pounds and he looked pale. There were circles under his eyes like he hadn’t been sleeping well. 

“Just wanted to see if I could talk to you about that ‘Blue Sky’ song we had been working on. I thought of a new riff and wanted to play it for you.” 

“I’m a little busy right now and Sunday is supposed to be our off day. You can record it on your Mac and play it for us tomorrow.”

“Ok, I was just really excited about it and Nikki loves it, too. I guess I’m jumping the gun. Enjoy the rest of your off day.”

“Big brother guilt. Okay, I’ll give you half an hour.” 

“Deal. Nikki doesn’t want me to be gone long anyway.” 

“Next time you should listen to her.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Zac shut the door of his music room behind me and sat down on a small stool in front of a keyboard. I sat down across from him, but set my guitar on the floor, case unopened. 

“Well? Are you going to sing me the riff?”

“Zac, I know you haven’t been eating. You’re too skinny.”

He looked down at his hand. “Well, you know we’ve been fasting a couple of times a week since we switched to the Orthodox Church. And I have been trying to lose a little weight before we start our photo shoots and videos for the new album.”

“Zac, you don’t need to lose any weight.” 

“You’ve always been skinny, so that’s easy for you to say. You and Taylor, always complaining about how you couldn’t seem to gain weight, while I was the chubby child.” 

“You just have a different body type than we do, that doesn’t mean you’re fat. You have to do what is best for your body and what is healthy for you. If that means you need to eat a hamburger, eat a damn hamburger.” 

Zac turned away from me and started playing random notes on the keyboard. “Oh, just eat a hamburger? It isn’t that simple, Ike! Every time I even think about food I gain weight. And once we start promoting this new album, I’ll be criticized as the fat Hanson again. Do you know how that feels?”

“Actually, I do. I’ve been called the ugly Hanson and goat boy. But you have to realize that you are never going to please everyone. Someone is always going to criticize.” 

Zac sighed. “In my head I know that. But it hurts so much when I put everything into our music, and people only want to talk about the way I look. Why should it matter? I should be able to weigh 300 pounds nobody say a word about it as long as I can still hit the high notes.” 

“You know that our culture places more value on looks than on anything else. It’s wrong, but that’s the way it is. By all means, eat healthy. Fast if you believe it is the right thing to do, but don’t starve yourself just to please a bunch of people that won’t be pleased anyway.” 

“Ok, I’ll try to do better.” 

“Are you saying that to get me to leave or are you really going to try?”

Zac didn’t answer. 

“Okay. The ball is in your court. You know how to reach me if you need me.” 

Zac went back to playing a melody on the keyboard, so I picked up my guitar and left. I hoped what I said got through his hard headed brain. He wasn’t going to make any changes except through his own volition and I had a pregnant wife to get home to.


End file.
